Birthdaying

So much has happened!

Well. Ok. Not really.

I had a birthday. This is what I look like at thirty three:

So, basically the same. Perhaps a little more tired than I’ve looked on recent birthdays, but to be real – I am a little more tired. A better word might be “defeated” – except I’m not quite that, not quite yet. But certainly close.

I had some good news yesterday – I got a job I’ve been interviewing/waiting for for two months, a job that is a good and realistic foundation for a future career. My current job is not that – my current job is perhaps a good and realistic foundation for this new job, but not part of a career path.

Unfortunately, instead of being allowed to be quietly excited about it, I had to launch into telling some of my various bosses that I’ll be leaving in three weeks, and the reactions were enough to send me back toward despair. One, in particular, treats me (often) with equal parts guilt trip, over-reactive anger and effusive praise. It’s like working for a really exhausting mother. That response was, unsurprisingly, an arduous affair of explaining from several different angles why it is that I might be moving on, and why it is that I can’t just wait another two years in my current job in case something more appropriate comes along. I can’t wait because I don’t want to – life is slipping past, and I don’t want to fail at everything. I have an opportunity, and I’ve learned that opportunities should be taken.

Usually.

Sometimes.

OK, almost never.

My birthday, though, was lovely. Raven made fresh ravioli, stuffed with spinach and almonds, and a pumpkin pie from scratch. He’d never made pumpkin pie before, so it was doubly fun to try it – it was awesome, rich and spicy and perfect. I suppose there’s something telling in the fact that I prefer pumpkin pie to birthday cake – I don’t typically choose sweetness in life, I typically choose spice. The things I carry tend not to be the easy ones.

Sometimes, I would like to have it another way.

For now, though, I take them as my own.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under building a life

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s