Tag Archives: raven rules

Doctors of Domesticity

I spent a while yesterday trying to figure out where the past few weeks have gone, and I realized that they have been a blurred haze of unbounded domesticity. Moving into a new home – a real home, for equal partners with equal footing and equal floor space – has been mind-blowing.

For the first time in my life, I want to come home at the end of the day – and when I get home, I find myself doing things to make the house better. This must be what normal people feel like!

And Raven, well, he is thrilled. He is thrilled about the house, and about all of the reasons we moved into it. He has worked – hard – since last summer to make things stronger between us, and I see where he has changed.

It wasn’t a result of that, precisely, that led him to choose to do this, but it somehow meant a lot more than it ever has when he sweetly and thoughtfully bought something for me. For us, really, because we both bake, but intended as a gift for me. For our house, to mark this next stage of our lives together. I saw the clarity in his gift, and the fact that it comes from joy rather than something… less fun is the best part of it. It was incredibly generous, and it is incredibly shiny. I’m in love. With it, and with him.


Here’s to better baking, gestures that are truly heartfelt, and eating all of the cookies I can possibly fit in my stomach. That is really the only outcome of having one of these in my house.



Filed under building a life


If you spend any time on the Internet (and clearly you do because look, you’re here) you may have seen a blog called Reasons My Son Is Crying. And if you spend any time thinking on the Internet, you have probably seen some discussion about the site. Lora wrote about it with love and compassion here. Blair Koenig wrote about it here. (And oh, how I appreciate her “what were you thinking?” tone. Because it sounds like my “what were you thinking?” tone, which I use all day, every day, on grown people.)

Anyway, like so many things, I talked to a few people about it, made Raven discuss it with me, thought about it for a few days and then put it in the back of my mind, in the box labeled “Messed Up Things People Do That I Disapprove Of.” (Yes, I allow the labels in my head to end in prepositions. I’m a rebel.)

It had certainly been well relegated to that box last night, when I was having… a bit of a rough time? I dunno, things were just hard or whatever, and I was up too late making cupcakes for my sister-in-law’s birthday, when a pan slipped off its hook on the kitchen wall, knocking an entire full tin of freshly baked (HOT) cupcakes out of my hand and onto our (… not so clean…) kitchen floor.

And I crumbled.

I sat down on the (not so clean) floor and leaned my forehead against the metal cabinet door and I cried. And Raven was perplexed and concerned and I was stormy for about a half hour, even while recognizing that I was losing my shit over cupcakes. So eventually, I calmed down and quit the sobbing and apologized to Raven for behaving like an idiot. He said something about how I didn’t have to apologize to him and I stormed through making another batch of cupcakes.

As I went to get the final tray out of the oven, he called me over to look at something he was looking at on Cake Wrecks.  I laughed at it, as appropriate.

“So, are you going to send a picture of me crying over the cupcakes in to Cake Wrecks for the internet’s enjoyment?”

And I saw the most interesting expression cross his face as he decided to go for it:

“No, I’m saving that for my new tumblr, Reasons My Wife Is Crying.”

Somehow, that fixed everything.


Filed under marriage

Things to love about love

Dear everyone,

On a really nice April day in 2012, Raven and I did something really fun – we got married.




In the months since, we hit a few rough spots. I’m sure you picked up on that if you’ve read, oh, any of my posts since August.

But here’s the thing – and a thing I have never written about, because we always pledged not to be Those People. But the thing is – I really love this man. He has taught me so many things, and the wisdom has come in so many forms. In addition to the things I have learned from him, there are things I’ve learned because of him. Because of him, I decided to do better at life. I decided not to let myself drown forever. For whatever else we have or haven’t done for each other, this is a pretty big thing. I’m grateful for it. I know I’ve referenced Origins of Love before, but every time I listen to that one song, I am forcibly reminded of all that we have, and how lucky I’ve been.

Like stupid Adam and Eve 
They found their love in a tree 
God didn’t think they deserved it 
He taught them hate, taught them pride 
Gave them a leaf, made them hide 
Let’s push their stories aside 
You know the origin is you 

From the air I breathe 
To the love I need 
Only thing I know 
Is you’re the origin of love 
From the God above
To the one I love 
Only thing that’s true 
The origin is you

So there, now I am Those People, the ones who post pictures of themselves being happy. I never understood that, not until recently, when I started understanding the true value of happiness, of contentedness, of being… ok. Just fine. Dandy. When you are ok, there is room for things to grow. And room to be a person that I might have laughed at before – a person who says gosh, I love that man I married. We see each other for who we are, and for that, we are very lucky.

For you, everyone, I hope you are rich in the kinds of luck and love that you crave. I hope that you can be ok, that drama isn’t rocking your world too hard. In storms, I’ve learned, the even keel is the best keel.



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Filed under marriage